Saul, even before his conversion, was a unique character and a man of great conviction. He was lauded for his exceptional education and stature. His power in the Jewish community, where he was admired and feared, was alarming for new converts to ‘The Way.’ Saul was a zealot’s zealot in the Pharisaical order—a Jew of Jews. He was willing to do anything to preserve Jewish heritage, customs, and traditions, and was given authority to eradicate Christians with impunity. Saul was entirely focused on his regime’s cause to rid the world of these infidels and heretics the Romans had named Christians. Saul was great at his job and was esteemed for it.
Saul was shocked—or maybe we should say scared straight— when he encountered Jesus on the road to Damascus. A natural and spiritual light shone both to physically blind him and to expose his spiritual blindness. Everything he had previously thought was true about God was a lie, or at the very least his revelation was incomplete. Imagine his regret at both persecuting Christ and victimizing and killing His followers.
“Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting Me?” Jesus asked. (Acts 9:4) Consider Saul’s incredulity,“How is this even possible?” then his acquiescence to the true identity of Jesus Christ as Messiah, and the calling God was giving him to spread the Gospel to both Jews and Gentiles. Imagine his fear, after persecuting so many others when Jesus said, “I will show him how much he must suffer for My name.” (Acts 9:16) This encounter, like all God encounters, triggered a metamorphosis that was not just in name only. Paul had to walk out his new revelation of a God he thought he already knew. He was about to become that which he had despised—a Christ-follower.
The three and one half years immediately following this Divine encounter had to require deep reflection and healing of post-traumatic stress. How else could Paul be equipped to face his past? He had to overcome the fear of stepping out of his spiritual cocoon to venture back into the very towns and addressing the very people, he had terrorized with fierce animosity. They would now become not just his co-laborers, but his brothers and sisters. Most challenging was his need to forgive himself for sinning against the God to whom he thought he’d already surrendered. How else except by spiritual empowerment can one shed the guilt and shame of one’s past discretions if we too aren’t willing to face our wrongs and surrender all?
Paul would have to engage his opposition, who would be rightfully angry, grieving, and distrustful. The pain of his past and the sorrow and loss of his victims would be a constant mirror. This level of pressure, this degree of injury, the intensity of this kind of regret would be so overwhelming that it would cause anyone to quit and forsake their call. Though he was admittedly guilty of his crimes, Paul’s conviction about his ‘high call’ superseded any self-condemnation. He modeled for us what it means to “hold fast” solely to Christ’s power to save, forgive, and redeem a life. Paul was a man who knew that only the love and grace of our Lord Jesus Christ could rescue him.
He said, “Here is a trustworthysaying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.” (1 Timothy 1:15) No matter what you’ve done or where you’ve been today, God’s arms of love are outstretched to forgive and save if you will accept His Son Jesus today.